As machines have increasingly contended for our attention over the past century, the average amount of time people have devoted to listening to one another during waking hours has gone down by almost twenty percent. 

The language philosopher, Paul Grice, summarises our conversational expectations into four maxims, that of Quality (we expect truth); Quantity (we expect to get information we don’t already know and not too much that we feel overwhelmed); and Relation (we expect relevance and logical flow); and Manner (we expect the speakers to be reasonably brief, orderly and unambiguous).  

To enjoy conversations and increasing the amount of time we spend in conversation, we need to listen actively to each other. We have defined listening in several ways over time; a 2011 definition highlights “the acquisition, processing  and retention of information the interpersonal context.”

“Done well and with deliberation, listening can transform your understanding of the people and the world around you, which inevitably entities and elevates your experience and existence. It is how you develop wisdom and form meaningful relationships.” 

The best listeners focus their attention and recruit other senses to the effort. Their brains work hard to process all that incoming information and find meaning, which opens the door to creativity, empathy, insight and knowledge. Understanding is the goal of listening, and it takes effort. Listening is a vital skill in a world of digital distraction. Our minds are kept busy and occupied by digital entertainment, but this does little to nurture our minds, much less develop a depth of feeling. 

What has the digital distraction created? Mental health experts say device dependency has many of the same behavioural, neurobiological and psychological components as substance abuse. While our smartphones may inhibit our ability to have a decent conversation, they offer us just about everything else – social media, games, news, maps, recipes, videos, music, movies, podcasts, and shopping. 

In the end, none of it is as emotionally satisfying or as essential to our wellbeing as connecting with a live human being. 

During this time of lockdown, let us have more conversations and really listen to each other without digital distraction.